New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
