PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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