My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dicks are not precious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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