remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
