The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
