Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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