Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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