Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This toilet bowl is my home.
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