I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize