Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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