Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
