I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
