I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
