During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
