The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
