I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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