Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
