Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
