Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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