I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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