The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I bet he comes in French.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
