I heard we made out
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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