He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize