now i know why i became what i already was.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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