I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
