I am puke
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
