She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
