Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think my fart just growled at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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