Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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