i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
