She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
