you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
