I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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