Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize