I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
