Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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