sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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