I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
