i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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