Im at strip club and am horny
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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