Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
