Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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