i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
