I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
