Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
