she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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