I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
