Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
FUCK WHALES
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
