fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
