If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
