he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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