how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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