We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize