How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
