its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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