woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
