You're my little dorito
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
