I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize