At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
