i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
