She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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