The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
